Light

 I was in a dark place and really struggling when someone gave me a tiny little pamphlet, two half sheets folded and stapled together. It told the story of Mother Teresa’s darkness. I read it over and over praying for light. Mother Teresa never failed me. As a tribute to that and to satisfy my curiosity I purchased the book of her writings about her struggles in the dark. It sat serenely on the shelf for many years held in reserve in case my own dark should return. I recently decided that it was time to read it, and it may seem a strange thing to say about a book about darkness, but I enjoyed it. I learned so much.

In case you are not familiar with Mother Teresa’s struggle with the dark, she served God and His poor for fifty years while not feeling any of the joy of God’s presence, approval, and/or love. Unlike St. Theresa of Avila whom her nuns had to hold her down to keep her from levitating during mass, Mother Teresa was always dredging up “a big smile” for God when she felt nothing. What a relief from the guilty times when I feel nothing. I’m certainly not experiencing what Mother Teresa felt, and I certainly do not handle it with any of the grace she found, but the fact that she felt dryness too means I’m not off and alone. She wanted the documents in this book destroyed. I am so glad they weren’t.

There is mostly helpful guide text that strings together the documents and places them in time. I appreciated this, but next time I may just read Mother Teresa’s texts by themselves. They are so different from the teachings of other saints. I love their plain spoken honesty. I highly recommend this book, particularly to those of us who find ourselves in the dark from time to time.