I always knew the treadmill was evil.

But I had no proof until today. Today I climbed on for the routine torture,and the electrics turned on, but the belt wasn't moving. I briefly considered racking up the world's easiest workout as I stood there watching the calories roll by, but those results aren't taken into consideration by my scale. I tried various fixes, but it wasn't moving. I resorted to pushing all the buttons. The total mileage stopped me in my tracks. The darned thing had stopped at 666 miles. I kid you not.

And Away She Goes

Marguerite Eloise graduated yesterday. The ceremony was lovely, and we were all so proud of our kids. Mea was a Senior Scholar which means she graduated with highest honors. She plans on studying neuroscience at the University of Michigan. Watching her congratulate all of her friends and carry out all the rituals and traditions was encouraging because I know she will carry forward the energy into this next more demanding phase of life. 

Congratulations, Mea! I always knew you could do it and I knew you could do it well.

Cheery

I spent today looking through a bunch of home listings, and I have to say it cheered me up. I love our house now, but I discovered if we get really crazy we can have it built again, only with the laundry separate from the powder room and more storage in the kitchen. There are a lot of options each rich with possibilities. Kurt kept telling me this, but it takes me a while to shift gears.

For me, an inspiring object helps. I bought this bird a week or two ago. Something about it spoke to my hopes about our move, and I have a feeling it will be right at home in our new place. She'll help me remember to live, love, laugh and be happy.

I can see the light in the future a little more clearly.

Baptized

I love hymns. There is so much meat in them. For about a minute and a half praise bands were reinterpreting the old gems and doing it very well. I was surprised at the cross over into Catholic singing. Even "A Mighty Fortress is Our God" written by the original Protestant Martin Luther, makes itself at home. Of course there were many songs I didn't know, and they would catch me off-guard. "I Have Loved You," "You Are Mine," "Eye Has Not Seen," and "On Eagle's Wings," had me crying. I ordered a hymnal with my new hymns, but it was a different edition from the ones at church.

Recently, they replaced the hymnals with very nice purple ones, and I wondered what happened to the old ones. I didn't have time to pursue it. Our house needed a clean out and the bags of donate goods filled the back of the van. I had to get rid of them before I could shop at Sam's, so I dropped in at a nearby thrift store. I've been collecting copies of the books for next year's medieval lit class, so I hunted through the bookshelves. There didn't seem to be much until I spotted the familiar red spine. Gold letters on the front cover, it called out to me. Joyfully, I brought it home.

Now it is the queen of my collection, and a great source for new music and ideas. Thanks be to God.

god is in the details

I've been working on this tree topper for years.  I want it to express my beautiful faith, and it does.  The Crown of Thorns reminds us of this baby's destiny.  The lilies sing of the beauty and sacredness of the death whose clock starts ticking now.  The red berries proclaim the power of his blood both in its origin and in its purpose.  I loved it until I took a picture and looked at the details.  I left the price tags on.  One unattractive stem is simply hanging out there.  The top of the tree is still visible.  I immediately stopped seeing the meaning allowing minor details to rob me of this moment of faith.  My god shifted from the Christ to the details.  It was all about me, maybe it had been all along.  Bringing my heart back to purpose has been today's challenge, to remember who I am celebrating not how.

To Plight My Troth

All this work with ancient literature has reminded of another time I stood up for the seemingly antiquated when I insisted on the ancient language of the marriage ceremony.  I wanted to incorporate the courage and wisdom of those words into our new life.  Our pastor called us in for a special discussion about that, and his feeling that modern people understood ancient liturgy in ways that seemed to allow loop-holes in the marriage contract.  He started to deliver a lengthy explanation about why he was going to insist on the modern version when he began to notice the lock step my fiancée and I were in about the permanence of marriage.  Every question, he found not only our answers acceptable, but also our attitudes.  So with the occasional halt and stumble he married us, with as ancient a liturgy as was acceptable to our community.

Marriage is long.  Covenants stretch thin along with our resources, and there are moments when you look at each other and ask are you still in?  Like everybody we've been through a lot,and last year we both felt wobbly.  Fearfully, I looked to him and asked "Are you still up for this?"  His face furrowed as he asked, "Are you?"  I cannot describe the relief to both of us when the answer from both was yes.  We're still at it.  No one is looking for loopholes.  Things can be tough, but it's still better together.  I still love him best.  In some ways that moment was better than our wedding day.

The Other Christmas

If you homeschool, preparing for school is a lot like getting ready for Christmas.  Secrets abound, rooms are off limits, lengthy discussions occur about what's festive and what's crazy.  I love it every year.  This year is the best year.

Studying the ancients takes one on a whirlwind tour through cultures and places.  Last year all we needed was a ship for the Age of Exploration, but for the ancients, we needed a Tardis.  Kurt and I had such a good time putting this together for the kids.  It's a huge hit with my most reluctant student asking me to start school half an hour early.

They had 3D Tardis, but it wasn't bigger on the inside. :)

The Dalek is there for motivation.  Motivation he happily supplies

These are the Tardis controls.  We collected them from thrift stores, antique stores, and whatever wasn't currently in use around the house.  Most items are non-functioning.  The drum set works.  Simon works.  We bought a weather station because we are studying weather first trimester.  We attached a holder for the iPad too.

My friend Janet Tyson helped create our Tardis interior.  I told her I wanted it to look like a theremin sounds.  She certainly succeeded.  We attached inflatable planets to the ceiling, but we can't keep the sun inflated.

This is the back of the Tardis controls.  It is also an arts and crafts depot.  My kids are growing up and can be trusted with paint and markers.  Hallelujah!

The time out chair and the Dalek's original home, but I thought it might be overkill.

The bulletin boards/portholes are supposed to have Mesopotamian items on them, but I can't find the timeline I was going to cut them from.  I guess the Tardis portholes are on the fritz until Egypt.

Video equipment for The Great Courses, the kid's books, binders and supplies, white board and storage,  drawers for copies and completed work in need of grading.

We bought this table when our oldest seemed too short for it.  We were right to buy it.  We'd never have seen it again and it cost us next-to-nothing.  We're doing Flannelgraph this year.  The Bible is ancient literature too.

All those book over all those years, they add up.  The planets continue across the ceiling.  My workstation is there in the corner.

Mea made this for the kids to get them to do their work within the time allotted. Everyone who does so gets a sticker to get them closer to the top.  With our fancy Tardis interior we are running out of wall space.

This is the most fun I've had in years.  The Tardis theme makes everything play and exploration.  What a wonderful gift from this other Christmas.

Not My Grandmother's Flannelgraph

Though it is her couch (long story involving six children, general destructiveness and fond memories).  Flannelgraph played an incalculable roll in my spiritual development.  The first time I heard the story of Christ's passion he was hanging from the cross on a deluxe flannel overlay background.  I made my first profession of faith the same day.  Given the choice of with Flannelgraph or without, even hardened teenagers opted for the charming cut out people in their inexplicable worlds and costumes.  Sunday School was the most frequent place for Flannelgraph use. My grandmother was an excellent teacher investing hours of time in her weekly opportunity to change hearts and minds.  She always used the church issued Flannelgraph that was actually flocked paper and sometimes she glued it down because she disliked the interruption to the story telling.

My mother had put off going through Grandmother's Sunday School materials because the items awakened such strong memories.  I came down to go through it with her.  It was inspiring.

My older girls had gone down with me, and on our way home we talked about our family's foray into Flannelgraph.  I bought a complete set of Betty Luken's Bible stories.  That is the crem de la crem of Flannelgraph.  If a woman was heading to the mission field, her friends would go in together to get a set as a parting gift.  The thing is die cut flocked paper is much easier to prep then cutting out hundreds of characters from felt.  The project ate three pairs of scissors before I gave up and let my dramatic personality make up for the lack of figures.

Grandmother's example has me giving it another try, this time with Mea's unexpected help.  We are having a great time trimming and conquering the sheets one herd of camels and many many Jesus' at a time.  I think Grandmother is very proud.

The Shepherd's fish

Getting The Shepherd's fish started was such a whirlwind that I neglected to mention it until now.  I'm working with seven friends all of us sharing our faith journeys.  I had high hopes for the blog when it started because I know my friends and how wise, loving and funny they are.  The reality surpasses my hopes every day.  Things I never knew about them, wisdom and rebuke, hope and poetry, The Shepherd's fish has it all.  Do what I do.  I roll out of bed, say my prayers and then check to see what's new.  You'll be glad you did.

Too Gorge

We started Sunday with mass at the Basilica of the National Shrine of the Immaculate Conception.  The art is so beautiful and uplifting.

We went to the National Gallery of Art, and really enjoyed a tour.  I also said hello to most of my favorites.

Kurt and I wrapped up the day watching "Anything Goes" at the Kennedy Center.  I had forgotten how shocking that time period can be, but it was a great cast and they put their heart and souls into it.

Packing Up

I'm always looking for a way to make things easier.  This vacation I've decided to embrace the joy of having them lug their own stuff.  Each kid has a backpack for their clothes and toiletries, and a small drawstring backpack for sightseeing.  In Washington, DC practically everything is free, any other town would have us broke the first day what with ticket prices and such.  The only place where DC really gets you is food and drink.  The sightseeing bag will allow us to mitigate this last struggle and give the kids a chance to record their experiences.  Each kid will have two Propel Zeros, one or two snack boxes, sketch book, and either crayons or colored pencils.  I figure we can refill the Propel bottles and get through a day without buying five dollar Cokes.  It's going to be an adventure.  We might as well be prepared.

Bedside Manor

This is the top of my bedside table.  I've dusted and straightened, but really this is a place that stays neat.  Mostly due to the larger space beneath it, but still it stays neat.  Let's start with The Holy Family that Zuzu gave me for Christmas one year.  Aslan is guarding The Holy Family.  A packet of Christmas cards that somehow took on the task of holding my glasses sits in the middle.  My fitbit is useful both waking and sleeping, and as it is Michigan in the winter, I have an electric blanket controller.  A picture of Kurt and I kissing in the limo on our wedding day is crowned by my crucifix.  Clutter to sleep by.  What's on your nightstand?

Comforting or Creepy?

This is my brother's gravestone.  My parent's bought it after the terrible trial of losing an infant.  The money hadn't been easy to spare, but it made it easier to leave him in Michigan when a job came up in West Virginia.  I was careful to pay attention to the details so that I could find him if I ever came back.  The other day I was googling the names of people I know, and there it was, little lost lamb and all.  I felt two things immediately, relief--"there you are" and anger--"how dare they!"
The relief stemmed from the moment of connection with this little person gone, a sense that, in a world of shifting electrons something had stayed put.  I can visit and scrub the headstone and plant things that never survive.  I will admit that since I found this picture I have returned periodically to view it and remember.
The anger comes in that, anyone with Google can go there too.  This is our private grief and no one else's business.  Shouldn't there be some protection for this sacred place?  How dare some camera enthusiast  fill an empty Saturday snapping up pictures of loss and grief?  I cannot move into the graveyard with my brother's body, his body cannot stay with me.  Please do not abuse the middle ground between us.
Then I remembered visiting Starnberg, Germany and my fascination with the graveyards.  The beauty of the expressions of love inspired and comforted me.  The comparative sterility of American graves seemed rather sad.  I took tons of pictures and they are still my favorite tokens of Starnberg.  I suppose the balance is this-- he is my brother, my only brother and he's gone, that's personal--my grief is universal and I share it with everyone.  If the photo was taken in such a spirit, it took nothing it didn't own.

Hard Wear

This time of year homeschooling is all-consuming.  I kicked the kids out of the basement a few weeks ago and hung curtains to disguise the new things I was doing to freshen the space.  Last year we studied the Medieval period and the Age of Exploration always feels like a let down to me.  Jimmy is joining the crew this year and teaching a child to read is one of the most time-consuming teaching tasks there is.  We needed to be ready and inspired.  That's a lot of work in prepping the classroom and the curriculum.  I thought about going into all of it, but it's too much for one post, so hardware now, software later.  This will give me the opportunity to have tested the software for more than two days anyway.

These are Jimmy's shelves.  He's four, so technically he's in preschool.  I'm doing Kindergarten curriculum because he is so darn ready in every way but motor skills.  Motor skills I can work around, but working on kindergarten work with a 4-year old means remembering his attention span is a bit shorter, so you have to have wiggle time of all kinds and sorts.  Lucky him he's the last of six, and I've learned some tricks.  A nice display of a reasonable amount of toys is always good for this age. They can decide what they want quickly and clean it up quickly--on good days. Coloring pages and educational computer games or apps are great too.  Never count out participating in the fun subjects like science and history.  Jimmy took his turn rolling the balls down the ramps with everybody else.

We are off on our voyage.  Oriental Trading Co. offered this wallpaper for 32 bucks.  It has set the mood.  Every chance they get my kids are grabbing a bean bag and taking off in their imagination.  The bean bags were from Wal-Mart and are great bang for the buck.  This kind of grand gesture lets my kids know that we love them and really care about their school work and making it fun. In this case it didn't cost that much either.

  This is my desk where I work with the kids either individually or in small groups.  It's just right for the job.  The new set of drawers is streamlining classroom communication and grading.  Each child has two drawers in their favorite colors.  The top one is for picking up materials I want them to use.  The bottom one is for turning in the work they've completed.  The last two are for me to store photocopies, worksheets, etc.  On the white desk I also put out four manipulative bins that are mostly geared toward Jim but do attract the interest of the others.

The bins are the kid's lockers.  I have files in them in their favorite colors, one for each subject.  They also have their pencil cases and crayons, etc. in the front.  Wal-mart had great clipboards with a storage space.  It's not the same as my blue thing, but close enough.  Years of watching Mom haul one around has them pre-sold on using theirs.  We watch videos from The Teaching Company, so a video corner is a necessity.  Okay, Okay, I'll admit the blue bin under the white desk houses vintage Nintendo games, but it's only for the weekend, really.  The table we picked up at a school auction and those mid-century modern designs just keep on going.

The rocking chair is the first piece of furniture I bought for myself.  Since I was still single I was a very focused young woman.  The shelves behind the chair have our second set of The Great Books--you can't have just one--and a selection of fun books.  I've since added bins of toys for older kids, and the upper shelves are for art materials.  The three exercise balls are my new way of helping my wigglers stay on track.  They can sit on a ball instead of a chair as long as they keep working.  Hasn't worked yet, but Pete keeps trying.

I love teaching my kids and I'm just about over the hump.  All those years of trying to manage an infant or toddler while trying to meaningfully engage with my older children has left me extra capacity for this second half.  It's going to be a great year, and I haven't even talked curriculum yet.

Desk Love

I keep trying to create a working office, and until now they've at best partially succeeded.  I needed to separate homeschooling from my other work, and that meant learning to value my other work.  After a lot of soul searching I decided I needed an adult desk where I could get things done, problem was, we had no budget.  Lucky for me, my parents have a furniture surplus at the moment and their giant pain was my giant gift.  It fits so perfectly upstairs in our bedroom that a quarter of an inch would have meant it would have had to wander the house like my other desk options.  Instead it is nestled in-between two well-stocked bookcases.  The chair was on clearance at Sam's Club and just allows me enough room to get to bed.

The desk top is huge!  I can park a filing tray and my blue thing on the left.  My backpack now has designated parking on the right.  The back has a tool caddy, a lamp and miscellaneous useful knick-knacks, especially the first owl in my new collection. 

Perfect fit is almost a theme.  I found these organizers for my pencil drawer at Staples and they are literally perfect, not a wasted centimeter.  The top right side drawer has materials for my primary project--Harriet, a.k.a. my novel.  The bottom right side drawer has storage for large materials, a filing box and two shoe boxes of useful items.

On the left, I've started with supplies in the top drawer.  My second drawer holds materials for my secondary project--A Rule of Life, a homeschool co-op class on medieval monasticism.  The bottom drawer has my stationary.

Behind the black out curtains, we have a deep window sill, perfect for these large filing boxes.  I don't have that much filing--yet.

 These were another Sam's Club find.  I'll still resort to my giant white board in the basement, but I think this is going to be a great place to do the detail work on Harriet, the characters and the world.  I hope to incorporate 3x5 cards on the bulletin board.  If it turns out I need more of one or the other I can flip the boards and change the configuration.

Sometimes the material world is quite useful to the spiritual, at least I hope that will be so.  Everything is perfect at the moment.

 

Go the F**k to Sleep

Family movies about bad parental priorities seldom have as charming a vehicle for the retraining camp as Mr. Popper's delightful penguins. I went with a bit of a chip on my shoulder. I've loved the story since I was a child and I read it to my kids. The idea of barely referencing the characters I love so much worried me. They did a wonderful job crafting a new story. The new Mr. Popper has six charming penguins to teach him the lessons he seems to have have missed with his own offspring. The penguins allow him to be more emotionally honest than one can be with children. The movie is gentle and funny, and well worth watching. Everyone should have penguins to practice on. You can go right ahead and read them Go The F**k To Sleep without worrying about scarring them for life.

Precious

I have loved this mosaic since my first visit to St. Mary's. Nowadays when I think of Jesus, this is the image that comes to mind. My oldest made a video of the church and its grounds because she felt it was one of the most beautiful places in Spring Lake. I can't get it to upload, so everyone can see for themselves. One of the saddest parts of Lent is that we give up our mosaic and have to wait for Easter to enjoy it again. I'm so slow at learning all the traditions and procedures, but each one gives me joy. Churches ought to be inspiring.

Mom and Dad's Excellent Adventure

The monkey hats are back. Last summer we simplified everything in order to enjoy our new baby. This summer I thought the hats were gone for good until...I thought about taking pictures for the kids in our monkey hats. We're still working out the routine, but I hope to have a slew of pictures featuring our signature look.

Beatrice and Harriet

I pull this picture out for inspiration. It was taken only a few months after the period I'm currently writing.

The best Christmas gift

Last year my husband gave me the best Christmas present ever--a giant creche. I've wanted one since I was five. My mother was playing some kind of elaborate guessing game about a gift she'd bought for under the tree. I couldn't follow, the only thing I could think of going under the tree was a creche. The more I thought I was right the more excited I got. Baby Jesus, Mary, Joseph, it would be wonderful. She kept stressing how delicate the gift was and how important it would be for me to take good care of it. What a let down when it was just a jewelry box. She couldn't understand my disappointment. I couldn't understand how anyone wouldn't prefer a creche. Mom put creches in the same category as Santa Clause. A few years earlier we'd gone to the mall and I'd wondered who the guy with the beard was. My mother and I are just very different people.
Anywho, the first thing I bought for Mea's second Christmas was small, inexpensive creche she was free to play with. She rearranged those figurines for hours. It was highly satisfying to watch. Through the years the set has suffered greatly. No animals have their ears, a wiseman is missing his hand. The HolyFamily is doing OK, but everybody else has suffered for my children's faith. Two years ago we bought the Little People Nativity Set, but I don't like it as well. Last year, Sam's Club had a beautiful, gigantic nativity set, and I walked by it, and I walked by it, and I walked by it. Every time I'd stop for a good stare, then I'd check the price tag and I'd roll on. It was getting really close to Christmas day when I discovered they'd significantly reduced the price. I took a deep breath and rolled by again. When I got home I told Kurt about the price reduction. He thought it was decently priced. I decided it was too much. I could live without it. It wasn't that important, but it was.
Next shopping trip I expected that the set would be gone, and the wild happiness with which I found it still there made me take out my cell. Kurt didn't sound surprised. "Go ahead and get it. It'll be your Christmas present." I don't normally do things like that, but when I could imagine my grandchildren playing with it I realized it was more than an object it was a way to stir up our faith. Poor Kurt, it weighs a ton and we put it up on the bookcases so that it won't be damaged by the kids. I wouldn't change a thing. The reason for the season dominates our living room and that's the best gift we all could receive.