I set aside my Christian Prayer because I became frustrated that I just don't understand its internal logic. Completely dependent on the St. Joseph's Guide, I enjoyed the experience much the way I suppose a first-time skydiver enjoys the ride with his mentor strapped to his back. I was there. I did it, but I didn't really do that much. There was also the sneaky suspicion that the Guide, thorough as it is, took for granted that I knew a lot more than I do. It didn't help that the book I bought to explain Christian Prayer added still other procedures I didn't know. All that frustration stopped me from remembering why I was praying like this in the first place.
I was praying the hours because I loved it. The prayers and scriptures weave themselves into my day and slowly into my life. My life felt rejuvenated and healed. I should have known all my mounting pride was the real problem with Christian Prayer/Liturgy of the Hours. It's hard for me to be the newby. As a Baptist I not only had the theology down, I knew people. I'm used to being the smarty-pants. Now I stumble over the alternative Easter and Advent and Lent stuff. I'm still learning when I add these items in and when I leave them out. In any case the trail had gone so cold that I was surprised when Father Dan said I should get back to work on Christian Prayer. He showed me an amazing app that would do all the work for me if I had an ipad or an iphone. Who knew liturgical prayer would stir up such covetousness? There is no room in the budget for that at the moment, so I humbled myself and sent off for my old instructor--St. Joseph's Guide. It's only 2 bucks and it's changing my life--one sort of successful attempt at a time.
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