Build-Anything-But-A-Bear

Family rituals are one of my ways of keeping things fair. Five children deserve to know that they are equally loved. (They also deserve to know that they are uniquely loved, but that's another discussion.) Having rituals for celebrations such as birthdays allows the equality factor to be obvious and measurable. I think that that contributes to my children's security in our home.

One of my favorite rituals is Build-A-Bear Workshop. It started with our second born. She was turning three and this new mall had opened with this cute store where kids got to make their own stuffed animals and dress them up. I thought this would be a great way to spend her birthday. That first visit was magical. Rose took forever before deciding on a dalmation dog. Next were endless deliberations over what sound button to put inside her new friend. Stuffing is quite the ritual all in itself; the stuffer gives each child a fabric heart to kiss and then has them do a magic dance to bring the bear to life and then puts the heart in, stuffs the bear at a huge stuffing machine, and pulls the opening closed and ties it shut. Rose was in another world. After her dog was finished she gave it a "bath" in this cute tub that sprays air to remove loose threads and stray stuffing. She was so strongly under the magic of the experience that she chose the dog's name by randomly pointing at a list of names. She was sure that was the one. She then dressed her dog in a ballerina costume and printed out her new friend's birth certificate. We were agog. This experience was a repeater for sure.

We have repeated it--four times so far. Each birthday we return to the store where we purchase a new outfit for the bear. I say "bear" as a sort of species neutral way of referring to the stuffed animals, because none of my children have chosen a bear. We have a dog, a cat, a penguin and a frog, but not a single bear. I am pleased that my children chose a "something else" when they had their turn. I like the idea that they embrace different as a good. I am hopeful that they will be able to carry this perspective into their adulthood. They are also carrying forward their stuffed friends. Our pals go with us on all of our vacations and adventures, and they now have an extensive communal wardrobe collected over many years and many birthdays. Our youngest has a year and a half before he can choose his "bear" and speculation is already running high about what he will pick. Whatever he chooses he'll be participating in a family ritual that highlights his unique yet equal place in our family.

I hope you have developed little rituals that tie your family together. I'd love to hear about them and to poach the good ones!