Goosebumps

I recently went through a very dark time, a trial of the soul. In the midst of it, I came near to despair. A kind chaplain stepped in and got me breathing again, then he gave me a pamphlet about Mother Theresa. It's just two half sheets of paper stapled together, but the story of her struggles in the dark was an anchor. I wrote my truth all over it, and whenever the darkness threatened to return I reread her story. When I was feeling well enough to start planning for the future, I promised myself I'd buy her autobiography and read all of it. I was fulfilling that promise when I found this quote, and I went all goosebumpy.
“If I ever become a Saint—I will surely be one of “darkness.” I will continually be absent from Heaven—to lit the light of those in darkness on earth .”
—Mother Teresa of Calcutta
I love being a Catholic.

One Meal at a Time

We have finally eaten at least one of every kind of meal I put in the freezer, so I'm ready to review. The meals came from three sources, family favorites I always make, Fix, Freeze, Feast, and Cook's Illustrated Make Ahead Meals cookbook.
Our family favorites are pretty ordinary, meatloaf, lasagna, taco meat, etc. We do have a standout, Mexican Chicken Lasagna which came from a book titled Fresh Ways with Pasta. I'm not going to review these, because they are the kind of dishes about which everyone has their preferences. Instead I'm going to focus on what I did from the two new cookbooks beginning with the Cook's Illustrated book. We made both versions of the Chicken and Rice Casserole. My personal preference is the spicy black bean and corn version, but the peas and carrots were equally comforting and delicious. These recipes were much more labor than the other recipes, but the reward was excellent flavor. These recipes were worth the extra work.
Moving on to Fix, Freeze, Feast, the labor to produce these meals was very low. Many of the recipes were so simple that all we did was measure ingredients into a freezer bag and label it appropriately. The work once you pull it out of the freezer is generally just as minimal. I highly recommend this cookbook for anyone who is short on time.
Now for the reviews
Apple Cranberry Pork Loin. Nice, but not a knockout. We all enjoyed this dish, but I don't think any of us will be saying, "Man, do you remember that pork loin. We have to have that again."
Beef and Barley Soup This got mixed reviews. Soup lovers thought it was wonderful. Non-soup fans thought it was OK. I liked it, and will fix it again. I think I'll add more barley to it though.
Spanish Rice My mom used to make this, so it was a nostalgic moment. The kids like the gooey cheddar on top.
Sausage Hamburgers. I don't think I found the right sausage, and I didn't think to run it through the food processor. The hamburgers are tasty, but next time I'll use whatever sausage appeals to me instead of trying to replicate the recipe.
Honey Glazed Chicken Thighs. Interesting. The chicken comes out almost black, but nevertheless very tasty. It's also good because you cook it from frozen. Quite a help when you forget, or the meal you planned on isn't properly defrosted.
Cherry Skillet Chicken. I don't like cherries, but my family loves them. The family gave this a six thumbs up.
Tequila Lime Chicken. Very good. We all liked the flavor.
Chicken Broccoli Bake. This replaced a Campbell's Soup recipe, and did so very nicely. This is one of my favorites.
Blackjack Steak. A little too sweet. We like our beef to be salty and savory, and the marinade almost turns the flank steak into candy. We probably won't do this again.
Mustard Oregano Pork Chops. Nice but not memorable.
Salisbury Meatballs. New family favorite. The sauce is great and if you buy the meatballs ready-made there is nothing easier. We all look forward to pulling one of these out of the freezer.
Pecan Roasted Chicken Strips. Worth the price of the book. These are absolutely phenomenal. Everyone loves them. The honey and pecan coating is simple, and delicious. Everyone from the youngest kid to the the grandparents who have been over to help out loves this meal.
Rice Pilaf. This is a pretty good side dish and it cooks from frozen. I'd add a little more salt than the recipe calls for, or you could cook it in stock
Wild Rice and Nut Bake. I had high hopes for this one because it's so like Redwall fare. Alas, we are not as healthy in our habits as The Abbey dwellers are. It was good, but it needed some Tabasco or something to perk it up.
Apples and Cheddar. I should have splurged on the cheese since it's such a main ingredient, but I didn't and the dish was a bit of a failure.
Garlic Mashed Potatoes. Mmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm. These are so good. I think I will incorporated them into our holiday meals. All I have to do to have really excellent potatoes is pull them out of the freezer. It could be a lifesaver.

Hitting the Wall

Sooner or later, no matter haw many books you read, checklists you fill out, or mentors you recruit you will reach your breaking point. In fact, the more spectacular you preparations, the more spectacular your breaking point may be, if by preparing you allow yourself the false luxury of assuming your breaking point can be avoided. Pardon the crude illustration, but you can’t have sex and your hymen too.
When you became a mother you changed states. You have taken on a new and demanding dimension of personhood. Perfectly good mechanisms for coping with and understanding the world are now completely inappropriate for you because you are a mother. The responsibilities of motherhood are overwhelming and boundaries that are even similar in meaning to those you’ve developed as an adult will not apply to this relationship for several years. Another human being has been given an all access pass to your life and it’s not going to expire for a very long time. Sooner or later you are going to pee while this person watches. Sooner or later, they will ask you for something you don’t have and you’re going to come unglued.
When life happens all over you, here’s what to do. #1 Put baby down and walk away. Most likely you’ll figure out what to do about this sudden insanity long before this child expires. No child will be permanently scarred by an hours crying. #2 Seek support. Call family, friends, neighbors, your doctor. Keep calling until you find someone to listen. #3 Cry. Let it out, your anger, your fear, your frustration, your self-pity and self-loathing, whatever ugly you’ve got in there, let it out. #4 Recognize that every mother since Eve has been here. You are so normal. Welcome to the secret club. Hallmark doesn’t make Mother’s Day cards about this, but this is why you get Mother’s Day cards. #5 Get over it. There’s really no other option, and when these feelings pass (and they will. It might take some Prozac, but they will.) all those other feelings they do make cards about are there too. You signed up for this personal development boot camp because nothing else could replace it for you, and there’s no greater reward than launching a new human being into the world.

Light House

Thank you to all my friends and caregivers for putting the light back in my house. I needed all of you, and you came.

Joining the Conversation

Evolution is our new mythology. We have tons of mythology and it's all true, and it all isn't. But we shouldn't let that stop us from thinking. Purple is a beautiful color and we shouldn't be so afraid of wearing it--even if we stink like Phoenicians. Of course, red and blue are lovely too--even if they tend to be a little gay.
Thinking is fun, but all things in their proper spheres.

Thinking

My ideas about God are fairly simple. I believe He exists. I hope He is good. By definition He is incomprehensible. If He is good, then He cares about me. If there is a God, He is good and He cares about me, then things must be better than they seem, even if that is incomprehensible. You don't have to be a Christian to believe that. I choose to be a Christian because if I were a being like God I would make a gesture like Jesus. I would let you know that just like the suffering is killing you, it is killing me too, and just like it wasn't really killing me, it isn't really killing you either. If God is the kind of being I hope for, then He has demonstrated His compassion. He has shown us the truth. Things are better than they seem.

Choking Iran

I watched snatches of Bush's War last night before general weariness sent me to bed early. I am left wondering if I'm the only person who looks at our current wars as actually a semi-subtle way of controlling Iran, the actual threat. We have very credible evidence that Iran is actually working on acquiring nuclear capability. We've invaded countries with little political clout in the middle east and removed regimes that were a general nuisance. Both countries have enough Fundamentalist fervor to provide us with endless excuses for staying, and staying means we are always just a step away from squashing any move the more popular regime in Iran cares to make. It's brilliant.
I worry about withdrawing not because of any real change in circumstances in Iraq or Afghanistan, but rather because of the real threat in Iran. I suppose those that would have us withdraw feel that we need to start having a more sophisticated relationship with the region, one that relies less on corporal punishment. That may be a better long-term strategy, but it is a big gamble. What is one to do about the unruliness of children.