Big Girl Voice

​I picked my novel back up, and in an effort to procrastinate fixing the problem I am working on defining the problem. My first draft was a sketch caring only about the things I found important and ignoring things like settings and such. I am satisfied with that draft, but now it is time to imbue the sketch with color and life. I find myself fighting my inner writer for permission to take up my reader’s time with all that—seems to me—extraneous detail. I want to apologize for describing the interior of a car when everyone has ridden in a car. If a character is going to fade  out quickly why do you need all of her backstory? 

I know myself well enough that sooner, hopefully, rather than later I will fall into world writing mode, after all I see it all in my mind’s eye while I write. I know all about my characters as if I lived in their hometown. I just need permission to waste your time with what are to me non-essentials.

Healing

​I suppose I should start with a poem, but I’m not feeling it right now. I came to understand myself differently and that insight is leading to a lot of healing and forgiveness. When you are waiting for someone to appreciate you, you don’t fully value what you are, what you’ve done. When you finally realize that people don’t get it or don’t want to acknowledge you, you can reevaluate what you’ve done for yourself. You can value yourself. At first you resent the people who weren’t grateful or kind or patient, but after a while it doesn’t matter because looking at what you’ve done as a stranger would, you see its worth in intention if not quality. You give yourself a gold star and move on. When you don’t need someone else’s approval you can forgive them and move on.