Internal Censor

As children, my sister and I were often at the opposite ends of the spectrum on things as diverse as I prefer the white of eggs and she prefers the yolk.  I love cozy rainy days.  She has SAD when she doesn't get enough sun.  She is the "Id Without a Lid," and I was always so carefully censored my personality and interests were a bit of a surprise for my loved ones when they came popping out several years ago.

I censored everything including journals and personal expressions, even what I said to my best friends, my husband and my family. I was always taking the safest route which generally meant I went nowhere.  I still see the value of watching what you say.  There are many times when saying everything you feel can devastate people and not for anything of true worth, but everyone has to have someplace where they can think out loud.

For me I'm designating things and places in my life for honest self expression.  Having children was the very first undeniable adult expression of who I am and what I value.  If I was going to have lots of children, everyone was going to know what I really want and what I really value.  For my kids I was bold, wearing that big old belly long after people smiled and long into the territory where they give you advice on birth control.  Getting the best for them moved me into homeschooling, another controversial choice that people feel comfortable giving their opinion on.  Raising kids has helped me raise myself.  It's taught me to bear with unpleasant feedback.  There are times when you have to say things out loud.

But not everything, you can speak just to yourself, to hear and to judge what you're thinking.  I've decided if people choose to violate my private journals, or the things I said when I was just thinking out loud, than the fault lies with them. I still deserve a place to think, and I'm taking it.

A Father's Counsel

When I'm worried or upset about something important I try to do something useful about it.  When St. Lazare's Retreat House was closing just as I'd just discovered how wonderful retreats are, I determined to write people that could do something about it.  I felt much better after sticking on the stamps and mailing my missives.  Bishop Hurley wrote me a lovely letter, and I was pleased to trust God.  I also wrote Pope Francis, expecting maybe a form letter if that.  Just recently a letter with a little pouch containing a white rosary and a picture of Pope Francis arrived.  I was truly touched, especially as I realized more prayer was very wise counsel indeed.  

Christmas Wish List

1.  Myths from Mesopotamia translated by Stephanie Dalley

2.  Legends of the Gods: The Egyptian Texts, Edited with Translations

3.  The Tale of Sinuhe translated by R.B. Parkinson

4.  Egyptian Mythology: A Guide to the Gods, Goddesses, and Traditions of Ancient Egypt
5.  The Book of Deeds of Arms and of Chivalry: by Christine de Pizan
6.  The time to read them all.

All About People

Toward the end of my time as an Evangelical, there came to be a strong trend toward treating church members like consumers.  Surveys, consultants, long deacon meetings, new policies, changes in everything from nursery decor to preaching style took over the life of the church.  Willow Creek was in full scream.  It was all about people, the people in the pews and the people you hoped to get in the pews.

All this focus on me, me, me, didn't make me feel cared about.  I long for the immovable in my faith, and at that moment everything was negotiable, even the theological identities that had originally defined each body of believers.  We were all going to community churches for a while there.  It still feels odd to see a trendy church with a traditional identifier like Baptist.  All the trends were worthy of trying, and ears hearing the gospel because the snacks are good--I have to say it worked for my father.

The problem is by focusing the church on the "seeker" the focus is on the least holy, wise, experienced person, and letting their lack guide the church's abundance.  I believe in the communion of saints, so for me there is no idolatry in turning to the holiest, wisest and most experienced part of the body for advice and direction.  There is an optimism about human potential in Christ that is expressed by believing in the saints that is lost in some Christian communities.  Conversion is less of a beginning and more of a simple membership.

Yesterday during Religious Education, we focused on the saints, exploring the ancient past and the surprising present in books, online, and with a game.  It was so exciting to discover what God had accomplished through all these believers, and to talk about the good they can accomplish in our lives.  I've always longed for older siblings and here in my faith I have thousands.

I Kissed Veritas Press

And I liked it, though I think they'd prefer I kiss dating goodbye. Veritas Press makes me so mad I border on apoplectic, and then they meet my needs so perfectly I can't help but be grateful.  It's a complicated relationship and has inspired many posts that were never posted--posts like "A Boy's Best Slave Is His Mother."  It started with the beautiful timeline cards they offer with their elementary level history program, but then there was day after day of racist and chauvinist content.  I was so glad to find Susan Wise Bauer and I promised myself I'd never look back.  Then there was the Omnibus.  Mea had finished The Story of the World Series, and I wanted her to take on something stronger but still classical.  Veritas had a beautiful book, the Omnibus with great readings and artwork, so I bought it.  It was a fine reading list and a beautiful book, but the racism and chauvinism pushed me to bench it on the bookshelf while we turned to The Great Courses for help interpreting the readings in a more balanced way.

I thought I was done with Veritas Press.  The very offensive catalogs had quit coming and I thought we were done.  Then I tried to teach Jimmy to read.  Our tried and true phonics program was a complete non-starter.  I had to find something else, and it had to have high interest and short work 
times.  I looked through many curriculums, and chose Teach Your Child To Read In 100 Easy Lessons.  I was afraid that might be too gimmicky and short on content, so I went back through everything, and realized I needed to look at Veritas Press again.  We spent a week this summer in Washington, DC going through many museums, and we had all enjoyed it.  The Phonics Museum recreates and uses the museum-going experience to ramp up the fun factor in learning how to read.  Instead of cartoony pictures of apples, master artworks by greats like Van Gogh and Degas are used for the ABC cards.  There's a great story about a knight and a little boy (I know) exploring a museum and finding the sounds, and a cardboard museum in which to hang the paintings and paper dolls to wander the museum.  It is perfect for Jimmy, and from the moment the box arrived in the mail, he has been excited about playing with it.  There are still moments when I step back and say, "Really?"  For example, the icon on the worksheets for man is a turn-of-the-last-century boxer--really, this is the sum of a man?  There are so many wonderful things about men that that icon leaves out, and there are so few things about boxers worth keeping in.

Nevertheless, long and the short of it.  I like the Phonics Museum, and more importantly, so does Jimmy.