As children, my sister and I were often at the opposite ends of the spectrum on things as diverse as I prefer the white of eggs and she prefers the yolk. I love cozy rainy days. She has SAD when she doesn't get enough sun. She is the "Id Without a Lid," and I was always so carefully censored my personality and interests were a bit of a surprise for my loved ones when they came popping out several years ago.
I censored everything including journals and personal expressions, even what I said to my best friends, my husband and my family. I was always taking the safest route which generally meant I went nowhere. I still see the value of watching what you say. There are many times when saying everything you feel can devastate people and not for anything of true worth, but everyone has to have someplace where they can think out loud.
For me I'm designating things and places in my life for honest self expression. Having children was the very first undeniable adult expression of who I am and what I value. If I was going to have lots of children, everyone was going to know what I really want and what I really value. For my kids I was bold, wearing that big old belly long after people smiled and long into the territory where they give you advice on birth control. Getting the best for them moved me into homeschooling, another controversial choice that people feel comfortable giving their opinion on. Raising kids has helped me raise myself. It's taught me to bear with unpleasant feedback. There are times when you have to say things out loud.
But not everything, you can speak just to yourself, to hear and to judge what you're thinking. I've decided if people choose to violate my private journals, or the things I said when I was just thinking out loud, than the fault lies with them. I still deserve a place to think, and I'm taking it.
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