Where Loyalty Lies

I pledge allegiance to Kansas
and to the state for which it stands
One reality
under God
indivisible
with truth and mercy
for all

I gave up my Mass for Lent.

Saturday's I wake up to the happy knowledge that I'll be going to Mass. It's the highlight of my week. I try to get there an hour early so that I can settle in and devote some serious time to prayer. Reconciliation is offered at that time too, so I can take care of any sin I might be dragging around. Father Len doesn't turn the lights on until 15 minutes before Mass, so the room is subdued and tranquil. The beautiful mosaic behind the altar is a feast for the soul.
Then of course there's the Mass itself. I still find such pleasure in its orderly progress through everything the Bible asks us to do. I like all the standing and kneeling. I love singing the Gospel to its place on the lectern. The highlight though is certainly the Eucharist. I never understood what a difference Eucharist makes. I run off to Barnes and Noble to write with its cherished grace casting a strong glow over me as I work. Nothing replaces it.
So what am I doing, giving up my Mass for Lent? I took my family with me. Taking the family to Mass is an entirely different experience. We still get there a little early, but instead of a quiet reverie, I'm busy reminding kids of manners as they talk to everyone around us. Gradually I lose family members to the cry room. Since it's my church, Kurt starts with the baby and then I can measure our progress by how far up the age ladder we travel. Yesterday, there were three of them sitting with Daddy watching the big screen. Instead of serenity and meditation there is embarrassment and struggle. Instead of off-loading sin, I'm trying to make it to host reasonably pure in the middle of all that mess. Forget deep cleaning, I'll take a surface dusting for the most immediate infractions. Instead of being comfortable I'm a little miserable.
I gave up the Mass as me-time. I took a step closer to the Mass as our time. Saturday isn't as easy as Mass on Sunday, and Mass is far more difficult than the Protestant service. But yesterday as I looked around and saw growth in behavior and reverence I felt I'd made a worthy sacrifice. It was a good thing to give up for Lent.